Doug Smith and Family

Family Table Owne

I spent my early years in St. Louis, Missouri, where I was born in 1965. I left there after graduating from high school. In that relatively short period of time, the city grew from what may have been a million people to over three million. I find that astonishing.

My mom and dad divorced when I was really young — maybe 13 months old. I don't know how custody was divided, but my sister and I lived with our mom, who was a registered nurse. She did a great job of raising us. I think maybe I was with my dad about one weekend a month. He lived in Kansas City, which made it more difficult. He worked for TWA Airlines so at least we could get there quickly and flew for free. My sister and I spent time with him, although he was busy doing his things, as well. It was easy to be friends although I didn't want a friend. I wanted a dad.

However, I always loved him. I never remember being angry with my dad or anything like that. He's a wonderful man. But the difference between my life and kids who had two parents seemed always to be in my mind. Much later in my life, for about three years, I was a youth pastor at church and I became acutely aware of a distinct line between children who had a mother and father at home and children who came from single-parent homes. As I was growing up, most of my friends came from two parent homes and I found myself gravitating toward them and their homes, maybe for that reason.

Dad and I started becoming closer in my upper grades in high school, when I wrestled. Dad really got involved in that. He was very supportive and was there as often as he could be. So we started becoming close again, which was great! We continued the relationship while I was in college but when Jesus got hold of me, things became a little tough. I think my dad wasn't quite sure how to deal with that. He proclaims to be an atheist — a wonderful man but that was his belief and I guess I scared him a little. He thought that I had joined a cult, or I had gotten into something fanatical, so Dad and I drifted apart again. Now my children are bringing us closer together again.

I went to public school and enjoyed it, even though I prefer to home school our children. I did well as a student athlete in public school growing up. In fact, from the 6th grade on, I took classes to prepare me for veterinary school. I graduated from high school and went to the University of Missouri in Columbia, but discovered I enjoyed hiking bluffs and floating down the river so much, I didn't spend the time I should have on my studies. Determined not to leave college without a degree, I kind of segued into the food management program through the Agricultural Department.

In God's amazing grace he sent me a professor from Purdue University, D Esther Digh. She was an absolutely wonderful woman. I actually took what would amount to a Home Ec. Class. I loved it! Because I did so well and enjoyed it she encouraged me to consider culinary school. By that time, I was far from what I originally wanted to do, and the emphasis of the program I was in was hotel work which I had no interest in. I followed up being her assistant the following semester. Then, a year later, after graduating with a Bachelor's Degree in Agriculture, I entered The New England Culinary Institute in Montpelier, Vermont. Two years later I graduated with an Associates of Occupational Studies in Culinary Arts. I fell in love with food and was fascinated at the creativity of it all. It kick-started me into a new and exciting field of culinary arts.

After earning my degree, I went to work in Washington D.C. and then Phoenix, Arizona. Shortly thereafter I made my way to Des Moines where I became the chef and an eventual owner of Cosi Cucina Restaurant on 86th Street. Initially it was strictly an Italian Restaurant and over the course of 11 years, we morphed it into more of a Mediterranean restaurant with an emphasis on Italian, serving also French, Italian, Portuguese and food from Spain. What a wonderful experience that became. Our clientele increased significantly, especially from those coming from large cities and outside of the United States. We even had nutritionists from the hospitals sending people with special dietary needs to us because of our willingness to be educated towards their needs and ability to cater to those needs. We were often chided for being far too inexpensive by many of our patrons who had grown accustomed to eating similar foods for a much higher price than we charged. The most gratifying thing for us was the trust that we gained within our base that allowed us to try so many unusual ingredients.

I moved to Des Moines in 1993. In 1996, when Amber and I were first married, we lived in Beaverdale. In 2000 we moved to New Virginia for a year then moved to Osceola in November 2001. We currently live in a two-story farm house in the country surrounded by hundreds of acres of farm ground. We really enjoy it as it is just close enough to town but far enough as to not feel like it. I have lived in larger cities my entire life until now. I must admit, I would rather live in the Rocky Mountains with the fresh air, outdoor activities and beautiful scenery. However, for the time being, this is where The Lord has us and we like it just fine.

In November, 2002, I purchased The Family Table Restaurant in Osceola from Gail and Dana Hembry. My life has had some interesting twists. I never pictured myself coming back to the Midwest. It seemed like the "action" was on the coasts. But, our coming to Osceola was actually an answer to prayer. The Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart and mind that HE would bring us a business in the southern part of the state, and it would be for HIS ministry to show people the love of Christ. You can be on fire for Jesus and not be weird. It is really possible to love and live for God without being quirky.

I honestly thought, because of my past experience with food service it would be a no-brainer, but whereas I'd previously had a partner sharing the decision-making, the work, and the responsibilities, now it was all mine. We typically carry about 25 employees and they, the payroll and payroll taxes, upkeep of the building, equipment, inspectors, food ordering and serving, delivery trucks coming and going, present a daily challenge. For the most part I enjoy the business. Going to work every day can be both exciting and frustrating. It is not easy by any means but I cannot imagine doing anything else. In the intervening years, construction cut our sales income. In 2007, I had six days off— at least 100 of those days went from 6 a.m to 11 p.m.

As I look back, I can see God's hand in this. He really has gotten my attention. My overall desire was to be happily married to a wife who adored me and whom I could adore, and two children. I met my wife, Amber, in 1993. She had moved from California to Michigan to Des Moines. She had grown up relatively happy in a good but dysfunctional childhood. She, too, was from a broken home.

Amber's mom, much as mine — a wonderful supporter, who made it on her own. She had her first child at a very young age and went back to college to become a nurse. She sacrificed every which way. She is an amazing woman. She remarried when Amber was nine. My in-laws moved to Michigan when Amber was 13. My father-in-law is in advertising and worked with Craig Newell Association, which brought him to Des Moines in 1991.

It is an understatement to say I was attracted to my wife when I first me her but she was so young —11 1/2 years younger than I. I had to wait almost three years before I could ask her out on a date. There was no way that I was even going to take her out for a burger until she was 18. Being raised by a responsible mother, I pretty much did things right. When making decisions, I could always hear my mom saying "Douglas Brett Smith." Again, this was The Lord's doing because Amber worked for me and it gave us the time to become the best of friends in a sometimes stressful environment.

Finally, three weeks after Amber turned 18, we dated. Two and one-half months later I proposed to her. We became engaged in 1995, and were married in 1996. Most people thought I was going through a mid-life crisis at the age of 29. That will be 15 years ago this May of 2011. In fact, we have recently found out that we are expecting our 10th child! I absolutely love my wife and children. In the food world, if there were no onions and garlic, there would be no reason to cook. If it weren't for my wife, I'd have no reason to live. I would shrivel up and die.

Amber went to DMACC (Des Moines Area Community College) and got her commercial arts degree in 1999. She is extremely talented and could work anywhere. However, she chose to be a stay-at-home mom. I'm so grateful that I am able to support her and our family in that. Lots of wives have to work in order to get what they have, but very few people are willing to give up the things they want in order to do that. I am not saying women should stay home. The decision is completely their own. However, in my home, I am glad my wife is at home with our children while they are in their formative years and she is young. Those years can never be given back. I also enjoy being a part of our home. I see a tangible difference in my children having a dad at home in a healthy relationship with their mother.

I see so many men who are truckers, gone for three weeks out of a month. It provides a good living and trucking is crucial in America, but I couldn't be away from my family like that. I am very involved at home but I must give Amber the credit she deserves. She has done a wonderful job raising our children, and both of us are involved in home schooling them. I find I am able to manipulate my need to be at the restaurant in such a way that I have time for a home life as well. It really comes down to perspective and where your heart's desires are.

It goes without saying, ours is a busy household, fun, frustrating, loud, but it is amazing to me when we go places, the looks of scorn we get. I don't know if it is that people automatically assume that we are on welfare, not doing anything but creating children as a means of an income. Only God gives life. Without his blessing there are no children. What bothers me the most is that often it is from women ages 35-55 that we get the nastiest sneers. That is so sad to me. I could understand if it were some 20-something who has chosen to work, have only one child or has bought the lie that people like me are using up the earth's resources or some nonsense like that. However, these are women who are either at the very end of the motherhood age or grandmother age, whom I would think would view children as the greatest blessing.

It was painful for awhile until it made me kind of mad. Much to my discredit, I retorted to a woman in a store one day that "Yes, they are all mine and no, I don't take a dime from anybody but what I've earned to raise them" Amber wasn't happy with me but soon began to notice that I was not imagining things.

Amazingly, not too long ago, large families were regarded as being a blessing. People really understood the dynamics of society. In fact, the United States is barely above replacement rate at 2.1 children per family. Anything below two no longer replaces deceased parents and that creates all sorts of negative issues years down the line for the country. In fact, the only nations outside of the U.S. that are above replacement or flourishing are Muslim-led nations. They apparently don't feel the need to believe that the world is crumbling due to overpopulation. Life is a matter of perspectives.

I find my life is really all about perspectives. We can determine what we choose to see. I can make up my mind to be happy at home because I married a wonderful woman. Or, I can choose not to be happy because my wife doesn't want what I want her to want. I can be happy at home because I enjoy my children or I can be very unhappy if I see the mess they created or the things they break. I can look at their behavior and be angry, which will make me negative and hateful, blaming everyone else for everything or I can deteimine I am going to love them anyway. This translates to others, as well. I can find fault with my employees and customers or I can love them as I love myself. I don't hate myself or talk badly about myself so why would I behave that way towards others?

To me the simple way out of the messes we find ourselves in is to begin to look outside of ourselves. I think that is the crux of the message in the Holy Bible — to love others and to give of ourselves. Be kind to those who cross your path. Think and talk positively. No one really wants to hear how terrible your day has been. Theirs may have been worse. It is interesting that anger comes out of fear; fear that someone is taking something from you. That is what has happened to our society. We are so paranoid that someone is taking "what is mine." I am a firm believer that if we can restore our civility and once again become a people who cares for others first, then we can once again become a great nation that God designed us to be.

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Last Revised February 1, 2015